Hey you,
You aren't making this very easy, but neither am I. If this has to end, if there is no way, then we need to deal with this. Instead, we are talking of how much we care, how much we think of the other, what our feelings are, emotion upon emotion.
Does this mean it's not the end? Or a new beginning?
Perhaps we are exploring new possibilities, forced upon us by circumstance. Perhaps we are finding a new way to be, a way in which we can co-exist, a way where we can be close, but safe enough, distant enough to do no harm. I told you that I thought there was a better song to sing than the melody which was the soundtrack to my life; am I, even now, writing the lyrics for it?
I want you in my life, you know this. If I can only have a scrap of you, it will suffice, and I will know that in the alternate universe where life is kind to us, I will be sated.
If there is to be nothing though, nothing left over, then your kindness will not help me rebuild my defences. It will not salve the pain, it will not be a balm to the hurt. Instead, I will need you to be cruel, cruel to be kind. You will need to give me a reason to hate you, and a switch to turn off my feelings. If I was a stronger woman, I would know when the time came to leave, and I would walk away without any fuss. That isn't the woman that I am though, and I will need your strength to help me on my way.
Today, this is what I would tell you.
If you need to hurt me, I beg you, please hurt me well enough to make me feel it.
Take care xxx
No comments:
Post a Comment