Hey you,
This is how it will be, I know this. My eyes were wide open, I knew the risks, the pitfalls, the joy and the pain. All of these though are magnified now, multiplied by circumstances we never saw coming. I have had a taste of what would have come later, sooner than I wished.
How I have mocked those who have travelled this road before me, pitying them, wondering at their motivation. Now it is all too apparent. The exhilaration, the anticipation, the intoxication. Inbetween, the silence, the unknowing, the anxiety, and yet one relishes them almost, knowing that when they cease the high will be that much higher, the taste that much sweeter.
This is an addiction; the nerves, the anxiety, the clock-watching, the worry, the despair, the need for that hit, that one hit, then the next one, and another, and yet more, then the longing for the next, sooner than the first, begging for the time between them to be condensed into yet smaller measurements of time.
Then the relief, the release, the confidence that now it will all be right, but even then, the anxiety insidiously creeping in again.
This is what I would tell you today.
I have no longing for withdrawal symptoms yet; my preference is for the aching toxicity of our need.
Take care xxx
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