Hey you,
I have become foolish, this you know. My emotions run wild, unchecked and unhindered, inappropriate all of them. I have lost the ability to converse with you, unable to judge how my comments are received, hurling comments, dangerous as grenades, into a void.
It is difficult, we both know this, and no one is to blame, yet I shoulder every perceived fault, bear the burden of every ill considered remark. I have no scale to measure my behaviour against, I am in uncharted waters, despite the landscape being oh so familiar. But times have changed; I have changed.
I am mocked by technology, each item as unresponsive as the last. I turn them off in fits of pique, damning them for their tranquility. Minutes later, I panic, certain that this will have been the moment and you have found me absent, worst of all, found me wanting.
I have wept sorry tears, drowning in pools of blistering shame, then convinced myself that all is not lost, that you are not lost, not to me, not yet, please not yet. Then I have cried again, with renewed hope, daring to believe, until my tears are exhausted, until the next time. This is my life cycle, my endless, recurring treadmill of emotion, because I don't know, can't know, won't know.
This is what I would tell you today.
I weep bitter tears for you, for the pain you are feeling, but I weep them for me too. Crying for you drains me, but your silence bleeds me dry.
I adore you still,
Take care xxx
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